It will mean so much to them!Īlso, please remember that nobody is perfect. If you know you’ve failed in one or more of these areas, please go to the people you think you’ve hurt and ask their forgiveness. This list isn’t just for finding safe people – work on the 6 things mentioned above so you can become a safe person, too. Are they offering you relief? Some things you might hear from a safe person are, “Thank you for trusting me with this” or “I am glad you trust me enough to share that” or “I won’t treat you any differently now that I know this about you” or “I will not tell anyone the things you’ve shared with me.” On the other hand, if someone laughs at you, ridicules you, or makes you feel worse in any way, then it is okay and good to stop sharing and to seek out someone else who may be safe, instead. (It’s the difference between serving their own interests and serving the interests of others.)Ħ) Pay attention to how someone makes you feel after you share something. Do you hear white lies coming from them? Or do you hear full truths? Generally speaking, an honest people is a good secret keeper, but someone who will lie is not. “ One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much.” Luke 16:10 ESVĥ) Gauge their honesty. If, however, they keep small confidences, chances are that they’ll keep larger secrets, too. Did you share a small confidence with only one person that ended up getting around to other people? There’s your queue to keep your lips sealed more tightly in the future. Is the conversation filled with gossip, telling you someone else’s secrets, and slander? Or is the conversation primarily uplifting and one that doesn’t reveal other people’s secrets? Remember that the way a person talks to or about someone else is how that person will likely talk to and about you some day.Ĥ) Start small. Proverbs 17:17 tells us that, “ A friend loves at all times.” Is your person loving you at all times? Nobody will be perfect, but if your friend is only there when you’re low but can’t handle your successes, or vice-versa, if your friend cheers you on when you’re flying but runs away or criticizes you when you fail, this is not the person to confide in.ģ) Pay attention to how your friend talks about other people. Pay attention to their character before you share your stories.Ģ) Notice how someone treats you when you’re doing well, and when you’re not. Get to know other people and build relationships with them. So what can you do? How do you know it’s safe to talk to someone? How to find safe people:ġ) Build appropriate relationships without expectations. A therapist, a close friend or loved one, or a preacher or elder may be a good place to start.Īs important as it is to break the silence, I will not pretend that your secrets will be safe with just anyone – even those who are supposed to keep secrets are fallible human beings. Often, the first step is to simply break the silence. “We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin.” Romans 6:6 ESV With the strength of Jesus, sin has no power over you. And poor choices you’ve made all on your own? They don’t define or control you, either. I hope you’ll remember the things that happened to you are not your fault. “…The truth will set you free.” John 8:32 ESV We may not notice how much power until after we tell our secret and feel the weight lift off our shoulders. Secrets, guilt, inadequacies, fears, insecurities – anything we want to keep hidden because we are afraid to tell someone holds power over us. Have you ever told a secret to someone and that secret was used against you? Perhaps the person you shared with treated you differently or shamed you in some way, or maybe they told your secret to someone else.Īnd if that’s happened to you, it’s probably made you feel afraid to confide in other people because you don’t want that same thing to happen again.īut here’s the thing: When we break the silence, we shatter the shame.
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